Been racking servers since Nehalem was new. Marketing departments got worse, hardware got better. Here's how to decode the fluff.
"Premium bandwidth"
No transit list? Then it's Cogent + some local blend. Demand the actual ASN mix. Contabo posts theirs in the footer, most don't. If you see "premium" without specifics, assume they're buying commit at 95th percentile and praying.
"DDoS protection"
"Always-on" often means 3Gbps scrubbing in one POP. Ask about saturation behavior. Real protection shows you attack graphs. OVHcloud's is decent, Vultr's crumbled in March when they got hit with 800Gbps reflective.
"NVMe storage"
Shared RAID-10 NVMe versus dedicated block is night and day. Check if they mention QoS or IOPS guarantees. Hetzner's "NVMe" is actually LSI RAID cards with SATA SSDs behind them, learned that the hard way.
"99.99% uptime SLA"
Read the credit terms. 99.99% with 10% monthly credit is worthless. 99.9% with 100% credit means they actually care.
Will expand as I find more. Add your own.