One. Whole. Month.
After six months of Pingdom screaming at 3AM because Vultr's "premium" network in their Frankfurt location had another "scheduled emergency maintenance," I finally achieved enlightenment.
I just stopped monitoring the VM.
No alerts. No pages. No stress. 100% monitor uptime. SKILL ISSUE SOLVED.
Just use a shell script on localhost. If the box is down, it won't email you anyway.
(Real talk: it's been 34 days since anyone rebooted the hypervisor. I'm scared to breathe on it.)