So my "unlimited" host finally sent TOS clarification after I disputed a suspension. "Unlimited" means "not more than 95th percentile of all users on your cluster." Moving target. I was 94th percentile last month, apparently 96th this month. No numbers provided.
I ran dig on their status page, TTL is 300 which explains why their "server status" propagates lies so fast. Check your resolver, folks. Traceroute shows they route through three different ASNs before admitting which "unlimited" node you're on.