Right then, finally did it. Automated my backups off Hostinger's box after that fun incident where their "daily snapshot" turned out to be a monthly snapshot of someone else's server entirely. Cheers lads.
Wrote a proper bash script that rsyncs everything to my OVHcloud VPS at 3am, checks hashes, pings me if it borks. Took three evenings because I am, frankly, not bright. But it works.
The whole thing runs on a cron job older than my will to live. Their panel backup button is basically decorative at this point, imo.