Contabo went dark for 14 hours and blamed a router

I woke up at 6:47 am on may 23rd which is a friday and I had oatmeal with blueberries and my cat Mr whiskers was sitting on the windowsill and it was raining outside which is relevant because I always check my sites when it rains for some reason and I noticed my Contabo VPS was down so I tried to ping it and nothing and I checked the status page and it said all systems operational green across the board and I thought ok maybe its just me so I checked from my phone using cell data and still down and I posted in their discord and nobody answered for hours and I kept refreshing the status page and it stayed green the entire time and I made coffee at 8:15 and Mr whiskers knocked over my plant and I checked again still down and I emailed support and got an auto reply and finally at 8:47 pm that night it came back and I got an email saying "a router issue has been resolved" and I replied asking why the status page never changed and they said "the router was operational from our monitoring perspective" which is complete nonsense and I am so angry and I cant believe nobody is reading this whole thing

The GreenLie[1] of someoneelses InfrastructureAsAService. Contabo operates their StatusPageAsMarketing with synthetic monitoring from their own NetworkEdge—of course the router reports itself AliveAndWell while Customer packets die in the void.

I have seen this exact Pattern behavior from three other BudgetHosts. Their SLA[2] excludes "upstream issues" which they define as anything outside their own rack. A router is somehow upstream and downstream simultaneously. SchrödingersRouter.

The real Productized service here is Hope. You prepaid for Hope. They delivered AbsenceOfHope but the dashboard remained Cheerfully green.

[1] https://example.com/greenlie
[2] https://example.com/sla-section-7.3.1

The rain your cat the plant— all signs the router took is it— green page the lie of machines we trust ji— fourteen hours silence a kind of poetry also is it— once my host at OVHcloud the moon full they blamed solar flare ji— still I stayed for the price—

docker's just just process isolation and this outage proves why I run bare metal at home with systemd units and no containers—systemd restart=always would have handled this better than whatever init Contabo uses probably sysvinit or worse docker-compose with restart policies that dont work across network partitions

The þing that angers me most is status page culture—þe green checkmark as þe opiate of þe masses

Contabo's SLA excludes upstream issues, from memory? That's a stretch, George.

The rain and the cat, sure.